I realised I can relate myself to some Yaoi characters...and because of this
I'M GOING TO MAKE A SAD SOUNDING POST :)
Or at least I think it is... XD
This is the kind of dialogue I have with myself.
In a place where you can't say what you want,
in a place where everything you do seems to be a mistake,
in a place where it seems as though there's no one there,
when there actually are people there waiting to help you,
and yet...
Have you ever had this before?
In a scenario whereby you're very sure you're not loney,
but the world just seems to have abandoned you,
left you alone to fend for yourself.
There are people you can depend on,
and yet...
When the one you love doesn't love you back,
and can't accept you for that part of you,
is it worth keeping the friendship?
Is it worth keeping up the relationship?
She's the one you love,
and yet...
There'll be one day where all these insecurities go away,
and while it lasted, it was good.
But once you come back,
realitly hits you like a brick,
and you come to the realisation that that's what you want...
but yet...
that's not what you want.
I'm the lion that brings shame to the others,
the leo that disgraces the very name.
The majestic beast that once roamed the lands has had it's claws and teeth removed,
stripped of every single thing that it stood proud for,
because of one thing,
and the very thing it brought upon itself.
I have no goal,
no ambition,
no road,
no destiny,
no future
no life.
People would rebuke me if I said that to them,
telling me that you weren't born into this world for nothing.
...
Don't you think I know that?
Don't you think that I'm already aware of this?
Everyone thinks I'm a stupid little girl that's not aware of what's to come,
and now people who are reading this will tell me that not everyone thinks I'm a stupid little girl.
I already know that.
I already know...
and yet..
It still feels as though I'm alone without anyone to care for me.
Since I was Primary four,
I knew I wasn't alone and there were people to care for me,
and that there was a destiny for me and it was in my own hands,
that I was the only one who could shape it.
I knew.
I knew.
The outside may be smiling,
but the inside may be crying.
I guess I've done the Leo's proud.
I'm bleeding and crying everyday,
and a few days where the burden is lifted off my shoulders.
One can only keep me calm temporary,
and within the next hour or so,
everything comes flooding back.
They won't leave me alone.
I can't leave myself in the first place can I?
Maybe I can.
Yeah I think I can.
But I don't think the very thing that is part of your soul can be diminished can it?
I just want to be accepted for who I am.
I know I'm weird.
I think the whole world's weird.
That's me.
I can accept everyone because I deem everyone as weird.
But you can't accept me.
and no one can heal me.
And I know whoever's reading this would tell me that's not true.
...
Prove it then.
...
No.
Not with words.
But with actions.
Heal me,
and I'll believe.
I don't feel like typing so I shall stop here.
frosted illusions;