HA. I CAHNGED MY BLOG LAYOUT FOR GOOD. ALTHOUGH I STILL LOVE MY OLD ONE BUT I SHALL NOT CHANGE IT BACK!!! (I still have the URL and everything though... It's on my experiment blog... URL: www.thiswas-version1dot4.blogspot.com
This blog is here to signify the confusion in me and the immense amount of hurt that makes me cry nearly every day. Check 'This' on the navi bar...
Anyway, to my post:
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WHY MUST IT BE LIKE THIS?!?!??!?!
All I wanted was for Sam to accept me for who I was... A student councillor... And she doesn't!! So what if I'm 'oh so law abiding' now?? Though I've never told her this was what I've wanted, but I knew all she'll do is laugh at me. This is what I've wanted to do, and when I've finally done it, not only does she celebrate with me, we had a huge fight and now, we're no longer friends. WHY?!!?!??!
Is it that difficult to accept change???I HAVE to change I have to prove myself worthy or I'll get sacked, and yet, this is all I get. SAM!!! I've tolerated your temper and arrogance all along, faced your wrath, and you can't even accept this me, this me that is truly truly the me that I've always wanted. You told me that if I wanted my freedom, I would have to fight for it, but you never said that I had to give you up!!! I've lost you, I've totally lost you and I know I'll neevr get you back... I can feel it... Even if I make an effort, you won't come back, but I won't give up the hope that we can still be together.
You told me that I could be free if I fought for it, but in the end I had to fight with the person who taught me this... I feel terrible... Just typing and crying... Is this database, something that is not even human, my only refuge? I really feel terrible... No more...
I'm under so much stress... My CO juniors can't play properly, the CO had been reduced to this state, my studies are deproving and I've got student council hammering on my door. I have to handle all this and Sam and I really don't know what to do anymore... My sobs have softened... But I still feel so horrible... So sad... I really think I'm depressed... There seems to be no more hope for the future, yet I know I can't just leave like this for I have so many people who placed their hopes on me and I still want my freedom. I feel horrible...
God... Help me... Help me...
frosted illusions;