Faithful

2007-12-31T23:22:00.000+08:00

THE FINAL WORDS

This will be the last post of the year... And in this blog.

I have come a long way since my entry into secondary school.
Honestly, it was primarily pain, and hate, coupled with the occasional flutter of happiness and love.

And now it's all gone.

Everything's just a distant memory, a matter of the past. Soon, none of it will matter anymore.

So much has changed, so much so I wonder if I have ever lived before.

As tragic as it may be, the only thing that assures me I am alive is the constant tearing at my heart, the desperate longing I carry with me even as I smile.

All that's left are the lacerations, the scars from what I have been through. We included.

Most of what I had said, I felt, remains shadowed from the rest of the world.

Despite all the changes, I still remain as hidden as I used to be.

So maybe I still am me.

But it doesn't matter anymore.

I return to the same home, the same friends, as though it was a normal day.
And yet, the new chapter begins:

flight-oftheleaf.blogspot.com
Opening in the window near you.

2007-10-07T02:23:00.000+08:00

Woot I finally got around to changing my blogskin. Lol.
Life has been CRAP but now it's better since school's GONE. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.
I've unofficially graduated!!
...
Although this means I won't see my friends. DDDDDD:
So in Alphabetical order:
No more Deborah to disturb and get distured by.
No more Ethel to get harassed by. (OMG LOLLL)
No more Geetu to get saved by.
No more Keita to sing.
No more Mei Ying to avoid getting bitten by.
No more PPP to fear lol. XDDDDD
No more Rozanne to whine to and get whined to.
No more Roycelyn to annoy and get annoyed by. (You stupid Roy stop calling me a porno XDD)
No more Samantha to wack and get wacked back. <((- . -))>
No more Tessa to get bossed by XDDD
...
The list goes on...

I'm still quite happy with leaving school.
I don't think I'll cry at grad because grad's the confirmation that I'm officially out and I'm very happy that I'll be leaving.
Sure, I'll miss my friends but I'm sure our paths will cross some day in a good way.
And when we do meet, I hope we'll remember each other.

But other than that, I'm very happy I'm leaving.
If I do change my mind and decide to go to JC, I think I'll hate it there even more.
That's why I'm going to poly.

By the way, ALLEN WALKER SUCKS. KANDA ROCKS.

2007-06-22T14:18:00.000+08:00

I HATE SCHOOL.

Damn. Light's, Mello's and L's rant was taken off deviant art... ARGH. RAWWRRRRRR.

Well, that's besides the point. The point is, I HATE SCHOOL. Maybe not to a Debbie (ah the poor girl) extent but good enough. I don't want to go back to school... OH GOD SAVE ME >____> I HATE SCHOOOLLLL.

2007-05-31T01:17:00.000+08:00

i'm not dead

I'm going home:

I’m staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I’m going to the place where love
And feeling good don’t ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain.

I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home.
Well I’m going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I’ve not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don’t know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don’t want.
Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I’m going home.
I’m going home.

2007-05-09T13:15:00.000+08:00

NO MORE PORK FOR ME. NONONONONONONO. NOW WAY MAN. NONONONONONONO. I'M NOT GOING TO EAT PORK AGAIN.

If interested, go find out what happens when you pour coke on pork.

2007-05-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

AND SO FAITH MAKES A POST XD

RO CRASHED ON ME. >_____> o(>_<)o

*shakes fist in air*
After an ENTIRE week of STUDYING, I DON'T GET TO RELAXXXXXXX.....
*sobs* It's like, the only time I can play for 2 weekkksssssss.... I'm in LOVE with RO.. and that guy on RO XDDD

Faith feels sad.

Faith needs a new blogskin.

Faith needs to feel loved~

So please donate your blogskins!
<333333~

2007-03-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

I mean like, what the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!? One minute I'm cursing her as though she's my worst enemy, one minute I'm protecting her from all the weird accusations. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........

I don't know what the hell I've been doing nowadays. I NEED A DOCTOR NOWWWW.... I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY- FEELING PARANOID ALL THE TIME AND COMPLETELY FATIGUED... SIGH.

There's just been too many things going on... The person whose company I enjoy is sending me mixed signals. The things I've always enjoyed doing are just going completely wrong... I need a break from the constant burn-outs I've been feeling. I WANT A 3 MONTH HOLIDAY AND A CO 5 DAY AND 4 NIGHT CAMP!!! COMPLETELY FOCUSING ON ,MUSIC AND MUSIC ONLYYYYYYYY..........

rawr.

2007-03-18T00:56:00.000+08:00

WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH THIS WOOORRRRLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH IT'S PEOPLE!!!! ARGHHHHH! CAN'T YOU JUST SHOW A LITTLE MORE CARE???!??!?!? LIFE ALREADY SUCKS. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST SHOW MORE CARE AND MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE?!!?!!?!

LOL. I got a wax today... Wasn't that painful. So what happened was I told my friend that I went to get one today and she was like, "I don't care. Only bimbos and *mi-somethings* wax."

I was like, WTF. Should have just told her she'd better not just in case she gets a wax in the future. Of which she probably will. Any guy, no matter how much he loves you, is not going to like running a tongue up a hairy leg is he?

Q: Why do people wax?
My A: They want to look good.

What is so wrong with wanting to look or even feel good? I feel actually feel more confident now. Does doing something to make yourself look good make you a bimbo??? You might as well call everyone who goes out shopping for clothes a bimbo dammit. No, shopping for clothes is not a basic necessity. You can let your mum buy ALL our clothes, or be like L and throw on any brand-less, tag-less clothing on. COME ON. WHO DOESN'T WANT TO LOOK GOOD????

Besides, who are you to call people Bimbos? Especially in their face. You obviously haven't been called one dammit, so you obviously don't know how it feels like to be called one in your face.

CAN YOU PEOPLE BE MORE SENSITIVE!?!?!?!

Come come. Let me show you the different definitions of bimbo.

Wiki: Bimbo is a term that emerged in popular English language usage in the late 20th Century to describe an often attractive, yet stupid, pliable woman.

Dictionary: A woman regarded as vacuous or as having an exaggerated interest in her sexual appeal.

Word Net: a young woman indulged by rich and powerful older men

HELLO. DO I FIT ANY ONE OF THE DESCRIPTIONS?!??!?!
I'm not fucking attractive.
I'm not fucking stupid.
I'm not fucking exaggerating on my sexual appeal!!! AS IF I HAVE ANY IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SO FINE. YOU SMASHED EVERY SINGLE LITTLE BIT OF SELF CONFIDENCE I FINALLY EARNED TODAY. YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!?!

You don't understand what it feels like. I can only hope y0u never will. Let's just pray you'll be more sensitive. Let's pray the idiots can be more sensitive to others. Call me emo if you want, but I just want to prevent as much pain as possible.

Now it feels like it's wrong to want to look good.

2007-02-24T01:00:00.001+08:00

I'M NOT DEAD :)

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2007-01-12T22:28:00.000+08:00

I really can't stand it... You can do so much... Fly so high... and yet because you put yourself down and because you think there's no hope and that you've given up on yourself, you don't do your best... because you don't realise that the people around you haven't given up hope on you. It's really sad to see you like this...

The only reason why I'm going to work hard for the O Levels is because I know my dreams will not be fulfilled. I have three dreams, of which I know I will never ever be able to accomplish them. What if this happens in the case of you? What's going to happen if you know what you want to do but yet what's going to happen if it doesn't work out? Find a part-time job and study meanwhile? Find a job that you don't like? Actually that's what I'll do. I'll find a job that pays a lot even if I hate it so I can use that money to fulfill my dreams... I'll start out and when I'm sure I can do it, when I have enough cash to get along. Dreams are meant to be chased... I'm going to chase.

2006-11-24T00:54:00.000+08:00

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

Well, I'm not exactly a fan of English songs.. But well, this song tugs on my heart strings... Found it off my friend's blog. Will put up his link later ya... Still need to work on some stuff and on the blogskin. Busy busy busy.. SIGH. I WANT TO GO TO KOREA NOW.

On the sidenote: My cousin (p4) was caught singing the song. XDDDDDDD Except he sang, Darling instead of honey... My parents still make fun of him for that haha..

2006-11-14T16:32:00.000+08:00

RAWR. THE PICTURE IS GONE. I NEED A NEW PIC T.T ARGH. Maybe in another few months I'll get another pic.. In the meantime, I shall use my old blog skin. XDDDDD

2006-11-08T02:32:00.000+08:00

AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST SAW... STUFF. Well it was quite decent but.. Anyway, this is what I saw.
WARNING
Only for those corrupt of mind and who approve of the renoXcloud pairing or those who approve of vincent looking cute. <33333333~
http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/91887/

Argh.. Have student council stuff tomorrow morning at 8am... Still not asleep haaas... Ah well.. Better stop hunting for happy *cough* pictures and catch come shut eye.. Sam's been talking to me again. I feel strangely relieved... Lol.

2006-11-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

LAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
Writing To Zanrkana now.. Or however you spell it..
It's a nice song.. but every time I hear it, I want to cry... Don't know why.

Sam hasn't been talking to me much and life has been fucking dull.. Guess she found someone else to talk to haiz..
+Nothing but a ragdoll+
Or at least that's how I fell. At least we still sms.. *shrugs slightly*
HJSKJSURKEFDHJUWRVEFDKNXSHJEKNSXHJSDMNJKEFCJKXCDMNFKMCNEJ
STRESS.
STUPID (Actually it's nice) SONG.
Last time I tried writing Miseinen, I nearly lost my mind.. Could fell my sanity slipping away... Was just sitting there at about 2am, listening to the same part over and over again.. Then I felt some strain in my brain and it felt like something was about to snap. Thank god i got that part in time otherwise I don't think I'd be here posting.. SIGH.

Been stressed out over nothing. Maybe there is a reason but I just can't find it.

So much to talk about but I'm too lazy to type..
Maybe tomorrow or next week ba..

2006-10-28T20:51:00.000+08:00

It has been SOOOO long since I posted.. Haha.. The new firefox rocks. It's underlining all the words that I type wrongly in red, so I don't have to worry about making spelling errors.. Yay!! Okay it's underlining yay and okay.. Dots.
Anyway, life has been smooth sailing for me and I'm booked like, practically everyday.. Shall go check out Roycelyn's new blog.. Think it changed or something.
AHAHAHAHA AUDITION HERE I COME. <3~ Anyone who plays Audition, look out for me- Llwellyn. k?

Edit: ZOMG WHAT THE HELL SO MANY PEOPLE TAGGED ME. I SHALL GO READ NOW...
Thanks for tagging!! I <3~ you'll!!! So happy.. *sniffles* XDDDDD

2006-09-01T20:33:00.000+08:00

AARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. I AM GOING TO RANT AND RANT AND RANT. LONG POST PEOPLE. LONG POST.
I've been having SO MUCH bad luck for the past four days(Including today) AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can vaguely remember what happened but get the gist of this.
-- This represents date
++ This represents place
__ This represents action
"" This represents speech
'' This represents thoughts
[] This represents extra stuff

-On tuesday-
+I sat at Sam's place for PC.+
_Me thinking to myself while smiling_ 'What a pretty picture!! Sam's gotten so much better at this but why is there an acess denied written over the digital looking acess denied? Ah well. Maybe she needed it for reference...'
_End_
+At Canteen+
_SAM says_ "You drew on my picture right??"
_FAITH says_ "No..."

[Some stuff inbetween]
_FAITH goes to get key from office to open door for CO but realises Pamela got the key. FAITH heaves sigh of relief and walks back, thinking Sam would already have realised it SO FUCKING WASN'T ME. BUT NOOOOO._
_SAM says_ "I knew what I last did."
_FAITH SHOUTS. GET THIS. I SHOUTED._ "IT WAS ALREADY THERE."
_SAM shouts back_ "WELL I'M SO SORRY."
_FAITH turns around and starts tearing. Sees Ms Low walk past.[Oh crap] Walks away.
a NICE PERSON [Not being sarcastic here] goes, "Hi Faith"
Which I thought was nice of her whoever she was. Cries halfway and DENISSA follows. FAITH eats a bar of Kit Kat for lunch.

[I still lub Sam though XD]_

[ANJHREHJDSKHFIDEMNHDJCKDM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

AFTER THAT I WENT FOR CO. WE HAD COMBINED FOR THE SENIORS.
_While putting back chairs PAMELA hands FAITH key. JUNIORS gather_
_JUNIORS go, "FAITH!! Your bag is infested with red ants!!"
_FAITH strolls up and finds her bag infested with red ants. JASPER helps FAITH get rid of them [So nice...]_

+Wednesday+
_FAITH was SUPPOSED to go to Parkway but had to help out after being reminded by Prisilla. [No I really forgot.]
HOUSE FLOODED.
STOOD THIRTY MINUTES WITH MY BACK BENT SCOOPING WATER INTO PAILS.
BLOODY FUCKING TIRED. STAYS UP TO DO CHINESE HOMEWORK AND DECIDES TO DITCH ENGLISH_

+Thursday+

MEI YING AND DENISSA DID A WONDERFUL JOB. I THANK THEM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEARTS. (No sarcasm here. I really really want to thank them and I really appreciate what they did.)

[Was SUPPOSED to wake up at 6:15 but ended up waking up at 6:45 because I was so worn out from last night.]
_Wakes up with back aching like shit._
_REACHES SCHOOL AT 7:23._
[THINGS SERIOUSLY COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE BUT IT DID. SO FUCKING DID.]
_Nonense goes on_
_BEFORE TEACHER'S DAY CONCERT AT 11AM. I STOOD THERE WITH MEI YING. Mei Ying decided to go off for recess. THANK GOD FOR DENISSA AND ANDREA._
[GET THIS. TESSA TOLD ME TO GO AT 11 BUT WHEN I WAS THERE, SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE. Okay maybe she had a good reason I just didn't know so I let it slip. Forgave her for that.]
_CLDDS COMES BY_
_WEI ZENG says: "We need 5 mikes."_
_NO MIKES. SO WHAT DID WE DO?? So I found three extra wire things and taped it to their faces. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW CLDDS WAS PERFORMING. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THREASA(sp) WAS PERFORMING. ALL I KNEW WAS THAT DRAMA WAS PERFORMING AFTER THE TEACHERS. COMPARE WHAT I KNEW TO WHAT THEY KNEW.

I knew:
1)Teacher's day preformance
2)Drama Club
a quiz somewhere and the band playing somewhere.

Found out FROM THE EMCESS, [Gretl, Gen and Rach were GREAT. UTTER BRILLIANCE. (No as in really really really wonderful. No sarcasm.] Teresa was somewhere, 5/1 was dancing somewhere. I din't even know there was a salsa preformance until they went onto stage._

[During teacher's performance, Mrs Sim's mike had NO SOUND. No idea why. The mike was fucking on. So I thought I didn't tell the control room people which mike Mrs Sim was using so I blamed it on myself.]
[Mike for DRAMA screwed up too.]
[Projector for QUIZ ALSO HAD TO GO AND screwed up although it was working before.]
[Mike for CLDDS screwed up too.]
[Mike for BAND (I loved them I had no FUCKING idea why the teacher's didn't) screwed up too... Ethel(sp. My spelling sucks...) didn't turn on her drive.(Not blaming her. The poor girl was so nervous, but she was really very great... I love her singing!!)]
In the end I got stressed and realised how Tessa felt and thought, poor Mei Ying

_So anyway during the drama performance, I went up to check and MARVELLED AT THE SIGHT OF SO MANY PEOPLE STANDING IN THAT TINY ROOM AND DESPITE KNOWING THERE WAS ONLY ME AND MEI YING BACKSTAGE, (They didn't know Denissa was there until she went up and they shooed her out..) NO ONE. NO ONE WAS ASKED TO GO DOWN. Not until Berlyn told me that I should have stay up there and do the Drama thing.(They were supposed to have 2 rehersals but later was cancelled and only I was there for the first one...) Only then did I send down 2 others._

*Tralalalala*
_We had CO meeting after that I was really happy coz I managed to go high alot of times and we had pizza as AVA lunch... :) During the break [Which turned out to be dismissal eventually] I check my bag because I decided that Sam would have smsed me and I checked my phone. This is what Tessa smsed me:
Faith, this is tess. I'm using my sister's phone now so.. Yeah. Firstly I just wanna say I'm honestly rather pissed off [HA. LIKE I WASN'T.] with today's sound system and how everything went. I'm not gonna say anymore but I just want to say sorry if I hurt you in anyway. But honestly I'm still disappointed with today..._

[Okay maybe she wasn't directing it at me but COME ON. WHY TELL ME.]_

+Today+
_I WAITED FOR ASIAPASSPORT'S WEBSITE TO FINISH THEIR MANTANIENCE UNTIL 3PM[around there...] TO SIGN UP AND THEN I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE WAITING FOR AUDITIONSEA'S SERVER TO COME UP WHICH SHOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN DONE 4 HOURS AGO. I STILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR 3 MORE HOURS AND I WANT THAT 2000 POINTS SO I CAN GET TO THE OFFICIAL OPENING TOMORROW. ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!_

+fin+

Anyway, in the end I would like to say that although everyone did a great job, it could have been more organised. I know there was a rehersal on tuesday, but I don't think it was a full rehersal where EVERYONE went because the CLDDS came up to me and asked for five mikes, so I would like to say to the committee,
I know this is your first time doing something like this, but please learn from this and remember that rehersals ARE important. I know it's hard on you. It really good for a first time but please please PLEASE PLEASE learn from this. I know Cherly's making an effort. She's a great girl lah, although she gets annoying(Haha)sometimes. Otherwise, she really deserves our respect.

Overall, 24th hanger from upstairs (The band) ruled the world :)

Hope things WILL get better...

EDIT: THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE. I JUST FOUND OUT SIGN UPS CLOSED YESTERDAY AT 9AM. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

I SO WANTED TO GO. THEY'RE HAVING MI LU BING AND TERESA AND DANCE WORKSHOP AND FREE EXCLUSIVE AUDITION DANCE CAPS AND GOODIE BAGS!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

EDPCJDSWJIEOSJEOFKJIDOKRENIJSOWEDNSDXCWENIOSKEOCMNWRIEODI3O!!!!!!!!

Someone come and cheer me up please. Even now the audition server WILL BE DOWN UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I don't blame them. It's just that... WHY ME?!!?!!?!??! ESPECIALLY WHEN I'VE BEEN HAVING SUCH A BAD WEEK.

2006-08-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

Haven't posted for the LONGEST time...
So...
-Today-
Antibiotics got the best of me yesterday... Went to sleep at 10PM. So amazing lor. AND
*grumble grumble groan groan* ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My body is complaining!! I have a lump on the inside AND the outside and a CYST between my toes!! SO ANNOYING!!! Stupid bubble.. I JUST WANT TO POUR SULPHURIC ACID ALL OVER IT AND WATCH IT DISSOLVE!!!! Oh maybe that's what they do... *evil thought number 153*

-Yesterday-
:) Can't remember. Oh now I do. I shed a few tears in class. Oh yes we have a MAKE SHIFT CONDUCTOR. I WANT MR. GOH. MR YEO IS... OVERWEIGHT. Can't complain. I probably look like that too.

-Two days ago-
Cried a bucket of tears.
*SIGH* Why the hell do I keep screwing up my life?? I'm such a bitch. I can't stand myself...

-Three days ago-
HAHA WE HAVE NEW RED CHAIRS IN THE AVA CONTROL ROOM. WHEE. DRAMA CLUB GIRLS ARE FUN AND MY CHINESE TEACHER IS COOL:)

-26 July-
OMG YAY. MY CLASS IS SO NICE. I walked into class and everyone started singing happy birthday!!! Happy~

-25 July-
People who REMEMBERED my birthday:
1)My godma
2)My mum
3)My dad
4)Gresilda
5)Deborah Lee
6)Erny
7)Geetu:)

2006-07-24T13:33:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I'm getting old and senile... Haiz... Can't remember so many things... I might as well not have a past.. OMG I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I ATE THIS MORNING... Hmmmmm...
Oh anyway I SKIPPED SCHOOL TODAY!! YAY!! Fianlly... A break... At least deborah, denissa and mei ying don't have to worry about not having a chem project... Haiz... So sian... I'm so happy with the intro I did!! <333333333~ Watched it about 10 times over yesterday... Haha...
Let's see...
Sam's pissed with me (I think) and I need to get her Ouran 2 and 6...
Then...
I NEED TO DO MY MATHS
STUDY CHEENA SPELLING FOR TONIGHT...
OMG I CAN'T REMEMBER.
OH ENGLISH~
AND LIT~
Oh no...
I'm screwed.
Dead.

2006-07-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

I'M GONNA MISS EMDD 2006!!!
Oh my gosh I already miss the guys SO SO SO SO much!!! Especially Jay aka the guy who played as Godfrey!! I can't say too much about the fact that he said I was irritating(which is true... XD) and handwriting, but he's one funny guy!! He didn't perpare anything for anyone, so he took his school foolscape and wrote ME and only ME (from the AVA crew) a note and he cut a bunch of bougainvilleas and gave it to each group!! Someone commented that he got it from the overhead bridge but when I asked him, he said he got it from outside the principal's office!! It was quite thoughtful though!! Haha...
THEN THERE'S LEX THE EMCEE!!!
He comes from the philipines and stays in a hostel so he doesn't have time to get on the net so NO MSN!!! Haiz... HE STILL HAS TO BEATBOX FOR ME!!! ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
He's rather cute though... XD
Then there's THE GUY PLAYING PATRICK AND LUCIUS!!!
I MISS THEM!!! Especially Lucius!!! He's SO sweet!!! You know what he said:
"It's alright. I don't need a gift. Your companionship is enough."
SO SWEET AND SO ROMANTIC!!!! @_@

I take back what U said on my last post!! I LOVE EMDD SO SO SO MUCH. I want to go back and I'm really gonna miss everyone!!

2006-07-06T20:16:00.000+08:00

*Grumble groan grumble grumble grumble groan*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
BLOODY PISSED, ANNOYED, HURT, ANGRY AND DEPRESSED.
SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO ANRGY!!!!!!
You know what, Sam gave Jas the jigsaw puzzle I gave her. How much did it cost ME? OVER $60 ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I was so bloody hurt when I saw that jigsaw puzzle sitting a paper bag in front of Jaslyn. I'M SI BLOODY PISSED. Just because we aren't as good friends as we were in the past, that doesn't mean you can just give everything away!!! I'M SO BLOODY PISSED.

Is this the way she really treats friendships??? Treats people that used to be close to her like little specks of dust that only get in her way?!!?!?!!!?? C'MON!!! You ABSOLUTELY INSULTED AND PUT ME DOWN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU COULDN'T ACCEPT ME. BUT YOU WERE SO ANGRY WITH ME!!! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY AT YOU?!?!?!??! YOU HURT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING THIS?!?!?!?? ARRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Not only that one of the IDIOTS at rehersal today said I irritated him many times today because I WAS JUST TRYING TO PUT HIS MIKE IN PLACE AND MAKE SURE THAT HIS BLOODY VOICE WOULDN'T SOUND TOO SOFT. BLOODY HELL. ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!!!!! AARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO PISSED I CAN'T EVEN TYPE PROPERLY.

2006-07-05T20:19:00.001+08:00

HA. I CAHNGED MY BLOG LAYOUT FOR GOOD. ALTHOUGH I STILL LOVE MY OLD ONE BUT I SHALL NOT CHANGE IT BACK!!! (I still have the URL and everything though... It's on my experiment blog... URL: www.thiswas-version1dot4.blogspot.com
This blog is here to signify the confusion in me and the immense amount of hurt that makes me cry nearly every day. Check 'This' on the navi bar...
Anyway, to my post:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UHSDHEFJDUEIFJSUEISDHSADJXIOSCKXANJOKCXNIOWCSXANSISCXILDSCNXLSCNXKEDC
WHY MUST IT BE LIKE THIS?!?!??!?!
All I wanted was for Sam to accept me for who I was... A student councillor... And she doesn't!! So what if I'm 'oh so law abiding' now?? Though I've never told her this was what I've wanted, but I knew all she'll do is laugh at me. This is what I've wanted to do, and when I've finally done it, not only does she celebrate with me, we had a huge fight and now, we're no longer friends. WHY?!!?!??!

Is it that difficult to accept change???I HAVE to change I have to prove myself worthy or I'll get sacked, and yet, this is all I get. SAM!!! I've tolerated your temper and arrogance all along, faced your wrath, and you can't even accept this me, this me that is truly truly the me that I've always wanted. You told me that if I wanted my freedom, I would have to fight for it, but you never said that I had to give you up!!! I've lost you, I've totally lost you and I know I'll neevr get you back... I can feel it... Even if I make an effort, you won't come back, but I won't give up the hope that we can still be together.

You told me that I could be free if I fought for it, but in the end I had to fight with the person who taught me this... I feel terrible... Just typing and crying... Is this database, something that is not even human, my only refuge? I really feel terrible... No more...

I'm under so much stress... My CO juniors can't play properly, the CO had been reduced to this state, my studies are deproving and I've got student council hammering on my door. I have to handle all this and Sam and I really don't know what to do anymore... My sobs have softened... But I still feel so horrible... So sad... I really think I'm depressed... There seems to be no more hope for the future, yet I know I can't just leave like this for I have so many people who placed their hopes on me and I still want my freedom. I feel horrible...

God... Help me... Help me...

2006-06-25T04:25:00.000+08:00

HA. I have a new layout!! Although I don't really like this one... I shall change it soon!! Yay!!

Edited: Back to my old layout... I still love it the best!! <3

2006-06-19T02:13:00.000+08:00

I realised I can relate myself to some Yaoi characters...and because of this
I'M GOING TO MAKE A SAD SOUNDING POST :)
Or at least I think it is... XD

This is the kind of dialogue I have with myself.

In a place where you can't say what you want,
in a place where everything you do seems to be a mistake,
in a place where it seems as though there's no one there,
when there actually are people there waiting to help you,
and yet...

Have you ever had this before?
In a scenario whereby you're very sure you're not loney,
but the world just seems to have abandoned you,
left you alone to fend for yourself.
There are people you can depend on,
and yet...

When the one you love doesn't love you back,
and can't accept you for that part of you,
is it worth keeping the friendship?
Is it worth keeping up the relationship?
She's the one you love,
and yet...

There'll be one day where all these insecurities go away,
and while it lasted, it was good.
But once you come back,
realitly hits you like a brick,
and you come to the realisation that that's what you want...
but yet...
that's not what you want.

I'm the lion that brings shame to the others,
the leo that disgraces the very name.
The majestic beast that once roamed the lands has had it's claws and teeth removed,
stripped of every single thing that it stood proud for,
because of one thing,
and the very thing it brought upon itself.

I have no goal,
no ambition,
no road,
no destiny,
no future
no life.

People would rebuke me if I said that to them,
telling me that you weren't born into this world for nothing.
...
Don't you think I know that?
Don't you think that I'm already aware of this?
Everyone thinks I'm a stupid little girl that's not aware of what's to come,
and now people who are reading this will tell me that not everyone thinks I'm a stupid little girl.
I already know that.
I already know...
and yet..

It still feels as though I'm alone without anyone to care for me.

Since I was Primary four,
I knew I wasn't alone and there were people to care for me,
and that there was a destiny for me and it was in my own hands,
that I was the only one who could shape it.
I knew.
I knew.

The outside may be smiling,
but the inside may be crying.
I guess I've done the Leo's proud.
I'm bleeding and crying everyday,
and a few days where the burden is lifted off my shoulders.

One can only keep me calm temporary,
and within the next hour or so,
everything comes flooding back.
They won't leave me alone.
I can't leave myself in the first place can I?
Maybe I can.
Yeah I think I can.
But I don't think the very thing that is part of your soul can be diminished can it?

I just want to be accepted for who I am.
I know I'm weird.
I think the whole world's weird.
That's me.
I can accept everyone because I deem everyone as weird.
But you can't accept me.

and no one can heal me.

And I know whoever's reading this would tell me that's not true.

...

Prove it then.

...

No.
Not with words.
But with actions.
Heal me,
and I'll believe.
I don't feel like typing so I shall stop here.

2006-05-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

Silvery liquid streams down as tears,
Words and denials ring through my ears,

Haiz... haven't posted for looooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. Anyway, I STILL HAVEN'T CHANGED MY BACKGROUND!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
But yesterday was super fun...
I spoke to our water rocket and it flew out of the school and into the canal... Haiz... What to do...

STUDENT COUNCIL
Shit. No more chances to be late again... Now I have to be guai... No eating in class no smsing in class(although I don't sms in class now...) no latecoming no eating outside the canteen etc etc. Shucks... Looks like I can't spend any more time with my clique anymore... Haiz... What to do... Why did AVA have to close down...

2006-05-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I talked to Levan today for about 20 minutes with Xiu Xuan (or however you spell her name) and Clare... Levan from Ronin!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! He's an albino!!! SO HOT. Found out he likes Larc En Ciel... Haha... And you know what? THEY TAKE THE BUS. YES. They took the bus to Parkway... I was so amused when they got onto the bus. And Levan's leather cuffs come from Thailand!! He was carrying a Kino plastic bag, so I thought he read manga, but turns out he prefers english comics... Haha... Erny will be so jealous :)

2006-04-05T23:03:00.000+08:00

Yesh... I'm set on creating a new blogskin... MUST CREATE THIS TIME ROUND!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-18T03:11:00.000+08:00

Meh.. There was this weird guy who apparently smsed the wrong person and tried to make friends with me... The thing was that he didn't have an e-mail and my sms count has shot up to 900++ every month.. Meh... So we talked for awhile, then I had to go and it turned out he had a girlfriend and I told him I had a boyfriend which is not true. I nearly wanted to tell him that I had a girlfriend and see if freaked him out... XD Hehe...

2006-03-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

Let's see... How long has it been since i last posted?
LONG.
Nothing much to talk about though... It's just been studies, studies and more studies. We're supposed to talk to the Orchestra nicely before we scold them.

Mew. Edited liao... XD It looks retardered.(sp)

2006-01-19T21:44:00.000+08:00

TIRED AND SLEEPY... NEED COFFEE... NOW. BUT THERE'S NO COFFEE!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! HAVE TO STAY AWAKE!!!

Anyway, came back from camp... My poor limbs are aching... TIRED TIRED TIRED. I just want some peace and quiet with... myself/my friend... TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED. NEED COFFEE. NEED COFFEE. DON'T NEED YAOI. NEED COFFEE... NOW.

2006-01-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm... Should I tell you people?? I have a secret blog located somewhere... Let's see if you can find it!! But it's a rather depressing blog though... You might not want to read it... Let's see if you can find it!!

2006-01-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

I can't believe me... I feel happy... I can't belive I actually did it... But I wouldn't have done it without Sensei... Oh my gosh... Thank you sensei... This wouldn't have been possible without you... Thank you sensei...

2006-01-10T12:21:00.000+08:00

It's been...long since i posted. Well not so long compared to how frequent others post... This is message number 14. So anyway, been down with cough for 5 days already... Been made sectional leader for the strings section... More stress. School ends at 2:15 everyday... How sucky... Can't complain though...

2006-01-04T20:47:00.000+08:00

......
What..? I'm Chidea's bakamon?? What the?!
...
Forget it.
...
I'll just feel proud. XDDDDDD

2005-12-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

I want to cry... I really want to cry... I can't take this anymore...

Baka... They want to combine AVA with IT club. WTF. WTF. WTF. Bloody pissed. Really bloody pissed.

2005-12-20T01:54:00.000+08:00

AVA camp tomorrow... Hehe... I'm actually looking forward to it... I guess it's coz we're a small group... Which means more fun!! Yay!! Staying up to do my AVA banner... Dunno what other designs to put on it... Need help... Ah! I shall bug the people on MSN!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!

2005-12-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

OMG.

I have a long piece of black cloth that's longer that's about 2.5 by 1 meter long... Now, do we do the banner vertically or horitontally?? Eep.
-Updated-
Anyway, angeline, deborah, simone and I went to buy a christmas present for our teacher... AND I FORGOT ABOUT OUR PIANIST!!!! Stupid me...

So after I realised I had forgotten all about him, I ran down immediately and bought him a nice present... Haha...

2005-12-11T00:15:00.000+08:00

Before I go to sleep... A few more words...

I'm losing myself. I tried. I really tried keeping my cool, but I've lost it. I'm breaking down... And no, it's not her fault. It's not. This is my own doing. It's all my fault. And maybe it's because of me that she's suffering. It's all my fault. All my fault. ALL MY FAULT YOU HEAR ME?!!? IT'S ALL MY BLOODY FREAKIN FAULT THAT SHE'S SUFFERING!!! AND IT'S ALL MY BLOODY FREAKING FAULT THAT THEY'RE ALL SUFFERING!!! IT'S ALL MY FAULT. ALL MY FAULT.

And it's not your fault anyone died my darling... It's not... Don't blame yourself anymore... It's not your fault... It's not.

Maybe it'll be better if I end my life here. The world will just have one less person to look down upon.

2005-12-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

Depression... Oh how I hate it. It's because of it my friend's suffering. It's because of that bloody thing that's causing everyone to suffer.
Now let me mumble to myself...

I HATE DEPRESSION. It's causing everyone to go nuts. It's causing deaths everywhere, and I don't want to see anyone I know and love die out because of it. I don't... I really don't...but because I love them, I'm stuck between stopping them and supporting them. I'm going to support it one night. Just this once. I hope I didn't make a mistake. I really hope I didn't... I can't afford to make a mistake... I can't... Am I really that much of a curse? Am I really a taboo? Oh why... Someone tell me why... The prophecies... Can't they do ANYTHING to help??? Help poor fire prophecies here a little... COME ON. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ON MY OWN. NOW SHE'S LYING ON HER BED, PROBABLY DYING RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE SAVE HER!! IT'S ALWAYS ME. ALWAYS ME. GET OFF YOUR DAMMED BUTTS AND DO SOMETHING. I CAN'T DO IT ALONE DAMMIT. I CAN'T. I CAN'T... But I have to... I have to... I'll do anything for her... I will... But...but...
I'LL STOP ASKING FOR HELP. I'LL DO IT ALONE. I will do it alone... I will.
...But...but...
Can I really...? Will I be able to do it??
I will. Watch me...but that if...that's if... If anything were to happen to her... Anything... Then... Then...then...
Help me... Help me...help...

...
Ignore the above.

I hate depression. I hate it. Abhor it. Never will like it. NEVER.

2005-11-29T13:37:00.000+08:00

CO camp tomorrow... And I SO can wait... Sigh... Dun feel like going... But I can't possibly say I have dengue or something... Work on my new blog layout... Still quite pissed the salesgirl... Horrible person hung upon me... Cooling down though...

Whiter than the snow...

2005-11-26T15:04:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 5am... Fell out of my bed... Went bak to sleep though. Ended up waking up at 10am... Ahhhh... 37 more days till school reopens... AND I HAVEN'T TOUCHED A SINGLE THING. Worst part is, I've lost my holiday assignments... Ahhh... 37 more days...
Now let me blabber to myself people... Don't bother reading... You won't understand a single thing.

~+~
Thought about what she said... I can handle it. I know I can. Nothing will stop me from achieving my final target. I'll strive on and I'll cling on to what I believe in. I belive I can do it and I know I can. There's no more reason to doubt her anymore. No more.
I'll keep my faith strong no matter what happens. I won't let go. No, not now. Not when I've come so far. No.
~+~

Okay. I'm done! Ahhhh... Gotta change for class liao...

I'm sticking to this decision. I won't change my mind. I won't

2005-11-25T21:06:00.000+08:00

Had to help out for the Sec 4's grad lunch 2dae... I was stuck up in the control room with the sound control guy... He was nice enough to offer me a chair...
ANYWAY.
I went down for lunch break and I saw my Sec 4 senior who was wondering why the hell I was there... I told her I was graduating... Well it's true. I'm graduating from Sec 2... INTO TRIPLE SCIENCE. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
ANYWAY.
I started buring up for no reason. Was smsing my friend and suddenly, my temperature rose. I asked Marisa to check my forehead. She said I was okay... And I didn't cool down until I stood in the shower. What's up with me?

Starting a new chapter of my life... Hopefully with you... But I don't think that'll happen... It's just my wishful thinking.

2005-11-16T21:08:00.000+08:00

Went to school this morning to film some oral thing for my teacher... Then I stayed back till 3:45... Was supposed to sit in there and edit some stuff, but in the end I landed up filming the media corp. people who came to our school to shoot the last episode of "Shoot!" at around 1++... Then I went out with Hikari and Vertone...

Vertone gave me this nice bracelet... Cost 19.90... So happy... I shall wear it to Genting tomorrow! It like, has all these crosses and stuff... So cute... Won't be back till Sunday... Will be sitting on roller coasters and puking away... That's if it doesn't rain EVERYDAY. T.T

Wings of the prophesies

2005-11-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

Leaving for Genting in two days... Supposed to be doing homework... But couldn't resist the urge to post...

Found out yesterday my tutuion teacher's husband also bought a jigsaw puzzle... Must have been cheap. The whole thing was orange (except for the hair) and hopeful was spelt as hpoeful... I was like: wHAt?!

Gonna miss that special person... Even if it's only for a few days...

2005-11-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

Eesh... I'm bored... My dad took away the laptop and I have nothing to do... except post that is... The was no class today, so I drowned myself in chinese... Come to think of it, I'm not even done... Gotta start schoolwork soon or I'll just regret it later... Sighz...

As I try to pick up the broken pieces

2005-11-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

~+3rd Nov 2005+~
Whee~ This is my first post... And the blog was created 3 days ago... Ahhhhh...
Already working on my new layout... As Chidea would say, "fickle-mindedness"

It's amazing how a few words can send tears rolling down your cheeks...